Hospice had given him roughly two weeks to live.
I understood that he was gravely ill, but still
I walked past my father when I first saw him.
My mind couldn't equate the image of the frail being
Strapped in a wheelchair, head bowed in drug-numbed dullness
With the strong, virile man that he had been in the past.
Prepared as I was, I still just couldn't comprehend it.
There are unfeeling, mean-spirited, selfish souls
Who can abandon a trusting pet along some road
Without a twinge of conscience or remorse. Then
Of course, there are the abusers and conniving users
Who can discard someone who has given them their love
As callously as you or I throw away a tissue,
But that's not an issue. You cannot defend it.
This was a time though when I wished I functioned that way.
My thoughts twisted and coiled as I groped for what to say.
It's so hard to say goodbye to someone that you love,
Knowing that they can't comprehend that you're doing so.
I grasped my father's hand and I believe that he knew me.
He struggled to address me, but couldn't frame the words.
It hurt me to see him in pain, knowing I couldn't mend it.
I kept waiting for something to click, some unspoken
Bond to link us together. At times I could almost see
The man that is trapped inside the body that has failed him
Clawing to get out. It had to be so frustrating for him.
There was no sense of finality, no closure for me either.
Just a dull empty ache that will remain unfulfilled;
A garden of regrets that's waiting for me to tend it.
It's so hard to say goodbye to someone that you love,
Knowing that they can't comprehend that you're doing so,
Knowing that the constants of his strength, his presence
And his love are fading away, like a radio signal
That loses strength as you travel further away from it.
The ravages of age have decided my father's fate;
I'll denounce the decision, but there's no way I can amend it.
