Beatification of the Stooges

Beatification:  the official act of the Pope whereby
a deceased person is declared to be enjoying the happiness
of heaven, and therefore is a proper subject of religious honor
and public cult in certain places.

Let's not talk of someone's blood shed for my sins,
The bitter solace or the triumphant "I told you so"
Of a Last Judgement.  Let's not talk of Jihad
Or Holy War.  I don't need some downer religion.

Give me a creed that will banish my cares,
That will lighten my oppressed spirit and send me
Out of the Church in side-splitting laughter.

Let us kneel and pay grateful homage to
The Holy Trinity of Larry, Curley and Moe,
Benevolent dieties who spurn eternal punishment.
You do something stupid
Moe thunks you on the head
Or maybe slaps you silly.
Divine retribution comes via knuckle-rap,
A box to the ears or poke in the eyes.
No long range ramifications, no guilt trip;
A little pain and you've done your penance.

And such miracles!  Christ's pale in comparison.
Eye pokes that never cause blindness,
Sledgehammer blows to the head that never
Fracture a skull or cause a concussion.
Talk about loaves and fishes, how about
The never ending supply of pies to be thrown.
Get thee back, Satan.  Evil can be warded off
By the Curley shuffle or a well-timed "duck"
Or thwarted with a hair pull or a conk on the head.

The patron Saints of knuckleheads
Nitwits and numbskulls,
These are dieties who failure never daunts,
Resilient as a pair of suspenders,
Able to bounce back from adversity
Higher than a rubber ball.

All hail these princely puncturers of pomposity.
Let us build them a cathedral of Silly Putty.
Let us glorify their names with the sacred snicker

"Nyuk" Nyuk" Nyuk" Nyuk" Nyuk" "Nyuk."

Sing loud their praise with the holiest of chants

"WooWoo"  "WooWoo" "WooWoo" "WooWoo"